elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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