I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
