i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
