dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize