Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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