I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
