im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
