I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
