My friends, they love my intelligence
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize