i just google imaged poop.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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