My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
