Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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