how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
