ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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