Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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