i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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