my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
