I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
