matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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