Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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