That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
