In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
