She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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