hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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