Who did Billy Mays play for?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
