I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
