i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
