so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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