Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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