dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
