The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
