K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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