Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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