So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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