Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
