I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
