The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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