She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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