its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
