If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
