Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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