Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
