he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
