Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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