There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
