im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
