Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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