I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
