I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
