im about as happy as oj after his trial
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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