is your mom at the bar?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
