Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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