yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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