im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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