Can i not drive my cunt home
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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