In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
