you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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