im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
