definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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