I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
