Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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