Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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