i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have post one night stand depression
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