i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
