ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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