Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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