is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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