What a dumb baby whore.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
