absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize