im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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