The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
