made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
