So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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