fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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