you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
