I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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