there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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