He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
