WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
